Story Of A Man With A Lizard In His Leg

Do not mess with lizards unless you are professional, or they will f*ck you up bad like this guy

We get a call one day from a local urget care. “There is a man here with a lizard in his leg.” Naturally, we assume we’ve misheard

We get to the urget care. We explain that we are Reptile Rescue. We are shown to a room where a bloody man is lying on a cot

There are like, eight people in the room with him, staring in horror and awe. Naturally, we are confused. There is no lizard. Just blood

The lizard sticks his head out of the hole in the dude’s actual f*cking leg and hissed at us

What!!! It is in his leg!!!

So asshole had gone camping on Mt. Diablo, in an area where he wasn’t suppose to be

An alligator lizard got into his tent. He lost his sh*t, and decided to stab the lizard, while it was on his leg

He missed the lizard but did not miss the leg

Alligator lizards love holes. They run right for it to get the f*ck away form assh*les with knives

Once inside dude’s leg, the alligator lizard refused to come out

We spent about 5 minutes discussing how to best extract a angry alligator lizard from a dude’s leg

I asked for a pair of gloves and walked over to the dude

I stuck my finger in front of the alligator lizard’s mouth. I aws challenging him

The alligator lizard promptly bit the sh*t out of my thumb

Once he was clamped down good and hard, I pilled it right out of the dude

The end